Always
by Leiria
Summary: Severus Snape called Lily Evans a... well... you know. Lily didn't take that very well and told him that she didn't want to see him again, however she couldn't make that stick because she really wanted to be with him. Set between Snape's worst memory and the rest of their lives, this is the journey Lily took when she dated Severus before James was even an option. SS/LE(LP) JP/LP
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters, themes, places or anything else. I make no money from this.**

**AN: Not sure where this is going, but I've had this bug up my butt to write some Snape/Lily stuffs and so this is what I present to you:**

**Always**

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No – listen, I didn't mean –" Severus stammered, pleading with her to understand.

"—to call me Mudblood?" Lily softly asked, staring back at him with pain in her eyes. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

Severus struggled to say something, anything, to make her understand. Lily waited for him to find the words, but when he didn't have them, she shook her head sadly and turned to portrait of the Fat Lady and entered the Gryffindor tower once more. She let the portrait swing slowly shut behind her before she leaned against it. She slowly slid down the wall until she was curled up at the base. It was then that the first tears began to fall and the reality of their ending friendship hit her. It was over. It was truly over.

For two weeks, Lily went through the motions of classwork and tests in a haze. Life without Severus was not the same as before. She saw him in the hallways, having his brand of "fun" with all of the friends she couldn't stand. She saw him in their mutual classes and pretended that she didn't care he was there. She saw him at meals trying not to look her way and felt her heart break. She realized, after those two weeks, that she felt more like she was going through a bad breakup instead of losing a friend. Her words echoed in her head. _You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine._ She couldn't believe she'd said them.

She wanted to take them back.

It was by accident that she literally bumped into Severus. She had been on her way to her last potions class of the year when he had come out of the boys' lavatory. They collided in the middle of the empty hall and Lily froze. Severus glowered at her. "Watch where you're going, Evans," he snapped.

He started to walk away from her. Lily's heart raced. The words were on the tip of her tongue. She reached out to him as he started to walk away and caught the back of his robes. He froze.

"Wait," she whispered.

"Evans, you made yourself clear last time we talked. If you do not remove your hand from my person, I will make things very uncomfortable for you. You are on the verge of giving me a second chance and if you go down that road, I will not contain myself."

"What does that mean?" Lily nearly whispered.

"That means I still have feelings for you and if you allow me into your life again, I will act on them. If you do not want me to do so, let go."

Lily didn't know what to do. Her hand tightened around Severus's robes. In the last two weeks, she had come to the realization that she didn't want to lose Severus as a friend. She didn't want to let him go. But, could she truly allow him to reenter her life after the tendencies he had been displaying over the years? He was an aspiring Death Eater, wasn't he? That was his goal?

"I don't want to lose you to him," she whispered. "Can I be the lifeline that keeps you good?" she whispered.

Severus slowly turned around. Lily let his robes go as he moved. "You can't be a lifeline if you push me away," he said softly, tilting her chin up to meet his eyes. "You can only be a lifeline for as long as I have you."

Lily nodded. "I understand," she said softly.

"That means if something happens between us, the precarious balance I have is going break and I will fall. That means this isn't idle fooling around. I'm not asking you for a school fling. If this starts tonight it goes as far as it possibly can. It goes until we either call it quits and I become the Death Eater you're trying to prevent me from being, or we die of old age in our bed."

Lily swallowed the lump in her throat and took in a deep breath to calm the pounding in her hearts. "Okay," she whispered.

Severus pushed her up against the wall as his lips came crashing down on hers. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed in the smell of herbs and potions. His hands wrapped around her slender waist and he pressed against her possessively.

"You're mine," Severus whispered in her ear. "Forever."

Lily nodded. "Always," she replied.

It was like a new life had been breathed into her. Lily suddenly perked back up and was excited to go home. They would have an entire summer together with no distractions. Mary knew what had happened immediately. As Lily entered the sixth-year girl's dormitory, Mary stood between the door and Lily's bed with her hands on her hips and anger flashing in her bright blue eyes. "How could you?" she demanded. "I know what you're doing. How could you?"

"He can _change_," Lily promised. "We talked about it. He's not going to do any of that stuff anymore. He's going to change."

Mary shook her head. "I know that you're Muggle-born and that you think a bit differently than the rest of us, but you don't seriously believe him, do you?" she demanded. "Think about it logically, Lily. Snape has been groomed to be a Death Eater by the people he continues to associate with. You are not going to change him."

"You don't know him," Lily argued.

"You've been saying that for five years!" Mary cried. "He keeps proving me right, not you! You're grasping at air, Lily. He will _not_ change."

"Because people like you don't give him a chance!" Lily snapped. "He hasn't had _anyone_ give him a chance to prove that he can be someone different. I didn't give him a chance before. I yelled and I complained and he didn't want to hear that. We talked. I told him that I didn't want to see him become that monster. He listened to me. He's going to change."

"When?" Mary asked.

"Keep watching," Lily said before she pushed passed Mary and crawled into her bed. She rolled onto her side and waved her wand to close the curtains. She just wanted to be alone.

On the train home that summer, Lily and Severus managed to find a compartment all to themselves. They sat and talked about everything during the trip home. Severus even let her in on the plans that he and the others had been making. He told her about how they had planned to quit school for their Seventh year so that they could join Voldemort's ranks more quickly. He told her what he found so alluring about being a Death Eater and why it was so tempting for him to continue on that route. He told her that she had always been the only thing that kept him from completely turning and that those two weeks had been the closest he had ever been to truly being what she hated.

He promised to stop hanging out with them when they got back to school. He promised her that he would stay away from Potter, Black, and Lupin. Lily made him promise to stay away from Pettigrew as well and Severus promised that it wouldn't be an issue.

The summer flew by in a breeze. They spent every day together, going on dates or spending time at the park. Her parents didn't really care for him and he refused to bring anyone to his parents because of the way they had treated him all of his life. Still, their summer was happy and they approached the coming school year with a feeling of excitement mixed with apprehension. Severus hadn't had time to distance himself from any of his old crew before they left Hogwarts. Going back and them discovering the changes he had made would be difficult for them both. Lily knew that there were going to be days that Severus would want to fall back into the old habits, but she had worked with him so much over the summer. He didn't even call anyone Mudblood anymore. She was changing him, slowly, and for the better.


	2. Chapter 2

The months seemed to fly once they were back at Hogwarts. To spend time with each other more easily between Hogsmeade visits and classes, Lily charmed a pair of rings that they each wore that allowed them to alert the other person to when they wanted to meet. The rings also guided them to the correct meeting place. It made things so much easier for both of them, so they didn't have to find time to meet up between classes and work out whether they would see each other or not. A request would be sent and an acceptance or denial would be received. It was the perfect tool of communication.

As time clocked forward, Lily carefully watched Severus as he cut ties with the people who had turned him to the path of darkness he had been on. She watched with pride as he began to overcome the obstacles that were laid out before him. There was some hazing, but as long as she was able to give him a kiss before he went to his dormitory for the night, he was able to persevere. After nearly a year of being together, Lily was sure that they were about to start leaving Severus alone and they would have completely overcome the hazing.

That is… until they stripped him down and tied him to a tree in the middle of the night with a sign hung around his neck that called him a Blood Traitor toward the end of their sixth year. They intended for him to be found in the morning, however, Severus had managed to keep the ring on his finger that gave him a connection to Lily. Lily felt the urgency zap through her hand as he activated the ring. She rushed to him, guided by that ring, and found him tied to the tree.

"Merlin!" Lily gasped before she rushed to free him. When she had him untied and the sign removed, she covered him with her school robes, leaving her in only her nightshirt. It was cold that night, but if she could keep him safe, it was worth the chill.

"Come with me," she said before she grabbed his hand and guided him into the castle. She found an empty classroom and pulled him inside before she called on one of the house elves. When one appeared, she requested clothes for Severus. The elf quickly obliged.

Once the elf dropped off Severus's clothes and departed again, Lily slowly removed her robes from Severus's shoulders. She met his gaze and saw that he was stoic and unresponsive. She guided him to a chair and sat him down before she turned his face up toward her. She met his eyes and didn't know what to say. She kissed him deeply, wishing that it could take away his pain. When she let him go, he didn't let her go far.

Severus looked at beseechingly, hoping that she would understand what he was about to tell her. "I'm not coming back next year," he said. He shook his head. "I can't. I can't keep doing this."

"Severus, you're safer here than you are out there," Lily reasoned. "Most of them aren't coming back next year. Do you really want to be out there, alone, with them so eager to come after you?" she asked.

Severus sighed. "I don't know how to be here too," he said. "If I come back, I'll be the only Slytherin seventh-year. Everyone else is joining up with him this summer."

"When you're not there, they're really going to know that you've left their cause," Lily reasoned.

Severus shook his head. "I just don't know, Lil," he said softly.

Lily sighed. "Look at it this way," she said. "Come back next year and if you still don't see any point or purpose in it, leave. But try. You are far safer here than there. You'll be with me if you're here. They won't come back, Sev. You've said that. You've told me that the plan was to jump into Voldemort's ship the second they finished school here."

"Don't say his name," Severus said, shaking his head. "He's going to put a taboo on his name so that if anyone says it without the Dark Mark, Death Eaters will be summoned to them and they will be killed."

Lily stared at Severus for a moment in fear. "How far were you in?" she whispered.

"Far enough," Severus replied with a rough voice. He cleared his throat. "Listen, Lily, I know you have faith in me, but…"

Lily shook her head as she silenced him with a finger on his lips. "No buts," she said. "They aren't allowed." She sighed. "I know that you don't think you can do this," she said. "That's why I have enough faith in you for both of us. I know you can do this. I know that it's possible for you to be a _good _man. You don't need to believe in yourself right now, Sev." She kissed him deeply. "I have faith in us," she whispered.

Severus pulled Lily in for another kiss. He pulled her close to him and held her tightly. She smelled like honey. She was lithe and fit into his arms perfectly. He pulled her onto his lap and she straddled him, her nightshirt pushing up to her hips. His hands slipped up underneath her shirt with ease and he caressed the skin he found there. He pushed it up and over his shoulders before he looked up and met her eyes, silently asking for permission.

Lily moved in to kiss him. Severus's hands caressed her bare breasts and the rest of her body until he was ready to burst. He stood before he laid her down on the desk they had been sitting at. He stepped back to remove her nickers and then removed his own underpants. When they were both nude, Severus kissed her again before he entered her and they made love for the first time.

Later that night, as Lily sat in her bed in her dormitory, her thoughts were filled with what had happened earlier. She could still feel his hands on her body and the way he seemed to fill her up. She had always pictured a romantic setting for the first time she made love with someone. She'd always pictured a bed, maybe some candles and rose petals. She thought it would happen on her wedding night, as she'd never planned to be that intimate with someone before knowing that they would be around for the rest of her life. She didn't expect to be sore, either. She'd always thought that people enjoyed making love, but she had found it painful and rather uncomfortable. Still, she smiled at the thought that Severus had been the one to share that experience with her.

She realized as she drifted off to sleep that night that she really did love him. What had started off as a way to save him and her heart had turned into something so much more. How could she go back to a life without him? How could she imagine anything causing them to part ways? She knew he would be safe because she was his lifeline. She would be there for him. Always.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily stared at the test in her hands in shock. She stood in the bathroom of her parents' home and felt the shock wash over her. She couldn't believe what she was looking at. She couldn't believe it was true. She shook her head and looked at the box again to make sure she was reading it correctly. She went over every step and made sure she had done it right. She compared the results to the diagram she saw. All of the information pointed to the same conclusion: Lily was going to be someone's mother.

She felt the nausea wash over her the way it had been washing over her for the last few weeks. She had dismissed it all as a summer flu, but, as she retched into the toilet, she knew the truth. The undeniable fact.

She was pregnant.

She sat on the floor of the bathroom and cried, thankful that her parents and Petunia had gone out to dinner the way she had wanted them to and believed her when she said she was simply too ill to go.

How could she possibly go to Hogwarts like this? How could she possibly face the year? How could she face Remus? James? Sirius? Mary? They all knew the truth. They knew she and Severus had been dating. They would know exactly who fathered her child. James would despise her for it.

Her life was over.

Lily scrambled to her feet and rushed down the stairs. She was half-way through dialing Remus's number before she realized what she was doing. Deciding that she needed to talk to one friendly voice before she told anyone else what was happening, she continued dialing. She held the phone up to her ear and paced back and forth by the receiver.

"Hello?" came the quick response.

Lily cleared her throat, but her voice still conveyed her distress. "Is Remus available?" she asked.

"Lily?" he asked. "What's the matter?"

The words made her burst into tears again. She slid down the wall to sit on the floor. "I messed up, Remus," she cried.

"Where are you?" Remus asked. "Are you at home?"

"Yes," Lily cried.

"Right. Stay where you are, I'm going to be there in five seconds. Okay?" he asked. "Your back yard."

Lily nodded. "Okay," she cried before she pushed herself to her feet and hung up the phone. By the time she walked to the back yard, Remus was already there. She started walking toward him and he met her halfway to the house. She hugged him, crying harder. "What happened, Lil?" he whispered.

"I'm pregnant," she sobbed.

Remus froze with his arms around her. He knew who the father was and she knew he didn't approve of their relationship. Still, this wasn't about who the father was. This was about her reaching out to him as a friend and him being there for her because he was the only one she could reach out to. Not even Mary would have understood.

Remus sighed before he guided Lily back to the back deck and sat her down on the steps. He held her hand tightly and she rest her head on his shoulder. "I don't know what to do," she whispered. She brushed her tears away and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I was trying to be so careful, you know?" she asked. "It was one time and we got carried away and… Merlin, Remus, what am I going to do?"

"Have you even told him yet?" he asked.

Lily shook her head. "I don't even know what to do about this yet," she said. "I can't tell him until I decide if I'm even keeping the baby."

"Why wouldn't you keep it?" Remus asked softly.

"So I can be reminded of how I royally screwed up my life?" Lily demanded. She stood and stared down at him. "Remus, I had so many _plans!_" she cried. "I was going to finish school, get my N.E.W.T.s, and then work at the Ministry. I can't do that with a baby, Remus! The entire future that I've been planning _requires_ that I get the highest N.E.W.T.s that I can possibly achieve! I was supposed to have a career and be married before a child came along!" she cried with her hands up in the air.

Remus sighed. "Sit down," he said as he stood. Lily stared at him for a moment. "Sit down," he said again with a little more firmness in his voice. Lily complied.

Remus sighed again before he crouched down in front of her. He held her hands and met her eyes. "You're a brilliant woman, Lily," he said. "Honestly, any child will be lucky to call you mom. You are a kind, thoughtful, and generous woman. Hell, you gave a werewolf a chance when you had no reason to. You're freaking out right now because this was unexpected. This wasn't supposed to happen. You had a plan and this throws a wrench in your plans. You're terrified right now. You feel like you can't provide for the life you feel your child deserves without having the N.E.W.T.s so that you can have the Ministry job. I get that. Honestly, Lily, the person you should be talking to is, and I _cannot_ believe I'm going to say this, Severus," he sighed. "He is the father of your child. He is your boyfriend. He is your partner. Go to him, Lily. Talk to him. Tell him he's going to be in the running for father of the year and don't let him run off."

Lily shook her head. "I can't do this…" she whispered.

Remus sighed before he kissed Lily's forehead. "Yes you can," he replied.

Lily sighed and held her face in her hands. "Merlin…" she whispered. She closed her eyes and slowly exhaled.

"Call on him," Remus said before he stood up and stepped back a few feet. Lily looked up and waved a goodbye before he Disapparated.

Lily stared at the ring on her finger for a moment before she stood up and went to the park where she and Severus first met. Once she was there, she pressed down on the gem in the ring that would activate its connection to Severus's. She felt a pulse from the ring as it waited for a response. She got that response a moment before Severus appeared at the park.

He walked up to her and hugged her tightly before he kissed her. "What's the matter?" he asked, knowing she had been crying even though the evening was getting almost too dark to see by. "Did Petunia do something again?" he asked.

Lily shook her head with a heavy sigh. "No," she said. She felt tears well up in her eyes and spill over. She looked at Severus and met his eyes in the dim light. "I'm pregnant," she said softly.

She saw him smile. "Really?" he asked with hope in his voice. "You're really pregnant?" he asked.

"What?" Lily asked, staring at him in shock. "You're _happy_ about this?" she asked. "Did you _plan_ this?" she demanded.

"What?" Severus asked, shocked that she could make such accusations. "No!" he cried. "Why would you even think that?"

"Because when I found out, I sobbed like a baby for twenty minutes," Lily angrily replied. "Without even knowing what I was doing I called Remus and talked to him about it!"

"You told that thing before you told me?" Severus demanded.

"I checked _everything_ four times before I actually believed it!" Lily continued, not hearing him interrupt her rant. "I was in denial, I was angry, and I feel pretty damned hopeless right now!" she cried. "_How can you be happy?_" she nearly screamed.

"I don't have a family!" Severus shouted back. "My mother's been dead nearly six years and my father died last winter in a car accident! When they were alive they were both abusive drunks who didn't care if I was around unless they were looking for a punching bag! You finally give a damn about me and love me enough to be with me, now you're carrying a child that I helped create! Why _wouldn't_ I be happy?" he demanded.

"You planned this!" Lily accused. "You planned on me getting knocked up so that we _couldn't _go back our seventh year—just like you wanted! You planned this so that you could _trap_ me into this relationship!" she cried. "If you hate yourself so much, _why do you need me?_" Lily screamed.

Severus stared at her in shock. "What the hell has gotten into you?" he whispered. He shook his head. "This isn't like you at all."

"I am only sixteen, Severus!" Lily cried. "I don't turn seventeen for another two weeks and I'm already bloody well screwing over my adult life! I had a plan and this baby keeps me from living it! _I have a right to be upset!_"

Severus held his hands up in a gesture of innocence. "I'm sorry to have thrown a kink into your plans," he said softly. "I understand why you're so upset about this, but I wasn't the only person involved that night," he reminded her. "You could have stopped me at any point. You didn't. This is as much your responsibility as it is mine. When you've calmed down enough to recognize that, let me know."

"So what?" Lily asked. "You're just going to walk away and pretend that I didn't just call you out here and tell you all of this? You're going to leave me to figure out what to do on my own? What if I go brew up a potion to kill it?" she asked. "What if I go to a clinic? How about if I give it up for adoption or something? Are you going to have any part of this kid's life or are you just going to walk away?"

Before she knew what had happened, Severus had grabbed her and shoved her up against the side of the slide. "_What the fuck do you know?_" he shouted at her, his nose less than an inch away from her face. "Huh?" he demanded. He slammed his hand against the metal slide, causing Lily to flinch and let out a squeak of surprised fear. "You have two parents who would die to give you the world!" Severus continued. "You even have two men fighting for your fucking attention and you can't seem to give your heart wholly to either one of us! You have the _fucking world_, Lily! Why don't you care?"

Lily stared at Severus and shook her head. "I don't have the world," she said softly. "I lost it the night I slept with you."

Severus stared at her in such a state of shock that he took a step back. "Do you really think that?" he whispered.

"I had a plan," Lily whispered for what had to be the hundredth time that night. She brushed her tears away. "School, marriage, career… then a family. It was the only way I'd be able to provide for a child. I've lost it all…."

"No, you haven't," Severus whispered.

"I can't go to school pregnant, Severus," Lily reminded him. "The rules don't allow for it. I'd be asked to leave the moment it became impossible to hide it any longer. If I can't be in school, I can't take the N.E.W.T.s and that means that I can't get the job I've spent my time going after. School and my career are over. Without them, how can I provide for a child?"

"Marry me," Severus replied.

Lily stared at him. "What?" she asked.

"I'm serious," Severus said. "Marry me."

Lily shook her head. "No, Severus," she said. "A sudden proposal based on the fact that I'm carrying your child is no reason to marry you," she said. "Don't ask me to marry you because I'm pregnant. Ask me because you've thought about it and you really want me to."

Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out a simple ring. "You think I'm not serious?" he asked. "I told you when we first started down this path that this wasn't going to be an idle fling, Lily. It's all or nothing. Marry me."

Lily felt tears in her eyes again. She nodded and Severus placed the ring on her finger before he kissed her. "I love you," Severus whispered. "We're going to be okay."

Lily nodded. "I love you too," she replied. "Always."


	4. Chapter 4

Two days later, Lily heard someone knocking urgently on her front door. She quickly rushed to answer it and was surprised when she saw James Potter standing on the other side. "May I come in?" he asked. She saw the harsh lines of his face and knew that he was upset. With a sigh, she let him in, realizing that Remus had told him what had happened.

"Follow me," Lily said before she led James to the back yard. Her parents may have been at work, but Petunia was home and Lily knew that if a word reached her sister's ears, her parents would know the truth.

Lily led James to the back corner of the lot where her old playhouse still stood. James laughed as she led him inside and then stopped in surprise when the door shut behind him and he looked around. "You're not seventeen yet," he said, looking around the roomy interior.

"They let me practice at home," Lily replied. "I did this a few years back when Petunia wouldn't let me be. This gives me privacy." She pulled out a chair at the table and gestured for James to sit down. She grabbed a couple of butterbeers that she had smuggled home and handed him one as she joined him. "So to what can I owe the pleasure of your company?" she asked, feeling as though she was going to hurt whatever he told her was the reason for his visit.

"I hear you're pregnant," James said.

"I'm going to kill him," Lily said, taking a sip of her drink.

"Don't," James said. "It wasn't his fault. I made him tell me."

"Why was it so important for you to know?" she asked.

James took a sip of his butterbeer. "I was with Remus when you called," he said. "I was across the room, but I could hear how upset you were. Remus didn't even say anything before he came here to talk with you. I was still at his place when he got back and I made him tell me what was going on. He didn't want to," James promised. "He told me the truth though."

"And why does my situation bring you to my home?" Lily asked. "Remus is my friend, Potter. You and I have never been so acquainted."

James sighed. "Lily, I don't know if you realize this or not, but I really do fancy you. I'm willing to do anything I can to win you over. That in mind, I did some digging. I wanted to help you so I got you some options." James pulled a vial filled with a green potion and some parchment onto the table. "I figure, you have three choices. One is that you keep the baby. It gets you thrown out of Hogwarts, but lets you have your family. One is adoption," he said, gesturing to the papers. "While you're still not in Hogwarts anymore, it gives you the freedom to go back and take your N.E.W.T.s and get that job at the Ministry that you want. This is a list of magical adoption agencies that can help you because that kid is going to be magical." He held up the vial and stared at it for a moment. "The third option is abortion, and that's what this potion will do. I know it's hard for you to get your hands on any of this right now and I think you probably wouldn't even know where to start. I thought I'd be a friend and get you the information."

Lily stared at James in wonderment. "You really did all of this for me?" she asked.

James nodded. "I knew you'd be torn up about what to do," he said. "I know you're with Snape, even if I can't figure out why. I know that you seem to really love him and that ring on your finger leads me to the conclusion that you've made a decision about what you're going to do, but I really do care about you, Lily. I know you've heard it all last year, but Snape's nature is dark. He isn't like the rest of us. I know you think that I walk down the halls and curse people just for looking at me the wrong way, but I don't. Those are people I know and I'm having fun with them. They do it to me as well, you just don't see that. Before you go down the road your on with Snape and marry him, I really wish you'd just give me a chance."

Lily reached out and held James's hand with a sigh. "I wish it was that easy," she confessed.

"What does he have over you?" James asked.

Lily sighed. "He doesn't have anything on me," she replied. "I told him that I wanted to do whatever it took to keep him from being a Death Eater. This is how I can do that. If I can keep him good, there is one less Death Eater out there that we have to worry about."

James sighed and shook his head. "You're focusing on a peon when the master is the real target," he said. "Look, there's an organization out there that's taking the steps that the Ministry is too afraid to. They're working on bringing him down and they've been very successful in their efforts so far. If Snape is so fragile that your relationship with him is the only thing preventing him from being branded, you don't have much of a relationship. Yes, you may genuinely love him, but it's not healthy, Lily. You're going to feel trapped sooner or later."

Lily sighed and looked at James with sorrow in her eyes. "I accused him of getting me pregnant on purpose," she confessed. "I don't know if I was thinking rationally or not, but I told him that he was trying to trap me."

"How do you know for certain that he didn't?" James asked.

Lily sighed. "Honestly, I don't," she confessed. "But, I do know that his childhood was horrible. His mother was an alcoholic and his father was abusive. They're dead now, but one of the most important things to him is family."

"Why wouldn't he be crafting his own family then?" James asked. "Lily, think about it. You're with a guy who is roughly eighty-percent evil. Yes, he has the capacity to change, but he's going at it very slowly. In addition to that, the thing he wants more than anything else is a family and your first gut instinct told you that he did this to you on purpose. Why wouldn't a guy who only thinks for himself impregnate his girlfriend and force her to be with him forever so that he can have the family he always wanted?" he asked.

Lily shook her head. "Severus isn't like that," she argued.

"Are you sure?" James asked. "Did he put that ring on your finger before or after you told him?" he asked. "Did he ask you to marry him or tell you to do it as a result of the baby? Did he care that your dreams were over or did he talk about family?"

Lily thought back to the conversation she'd had with Severus when she told him about the baby. Was James right? Was it really all just a plot? "But… why?" she whispered, looking at him with tears in her eyes. "Why would he do that to me?"

"Because this way, he owns you," James said softly. "And he can pretend to not be a Death Eater but when the time comes, he can stand up and say that he owns a… you know…."

Lily sighed and shook her head. She took her hand back from James and held her head as she took another drink from her butterbeer. Once she set it down, he free hand moved to her stomach where someone's life began to grow. She looked at the vial and wondered if she could play it off as a miscarriage and what Severus would do when she told him she'd lost it.

Even as she thought about it, she realized that she couldn't do it. "I won't be safe," she said softly. "If I leave him, I won't be safe."

"I'll protect you," James said.

Lily met his blue eyes helplessly. "Why do you like me so much?" she whispered. "I've never given you a reason."

James smiled before he brushed her hair away from her face. "What's not to like?" he asked. "Regardless of what you do, Lily, I'm here for you. I'm going to help you through this."

Lily cleared her throat. "Even if I marry him?" she asked.

James sighed. "Yeah," he said. "Even if you marry him."

Lily sighed and looked on the ring Severus had put on her finger. Since his proposal, she had felt no joy in a coming wedding. She had no desire to plan on. She spun the ring around her finger while James sat with her, wondering what she was going to do. So many people from the start had been warning her and she had ignored all of them. Were they right? Was it possible that she really should have given up on him? She held her head in her hands and tried not to cry, but as the tears hit the table, James's arms were around her shoulder, pulling her close. She clung to him as she started to cry and he pulled her into his lap. He held her and rocked her back and forth. He promised her that it would all work out in the end and that they would all be okay. All she could really think was that it felt so nice to be in his arms.


End file.
